I want so much to talk about the war. To share with friends and family the trauma that shaped my life the last 21 years. As I work with the VA counselor, I see more of my old self. Not the person who has been emotionally and physically disengaged, yet 21 years of practice is hard to retrain. One story at a time. One memory at a time.
I really want to go back to 1978-79 when I was in Turkey. I was fearless. I traveled alone across much of the Western part of the country. I visited 5 of the 7 sites of early Christian history. American soldiers did not want to do anything but hide. Keep themselves separate from the history that surrounded them. I did not understand. I still don't. Yet, I too, now hide from the world around me. I don't understand how I got here. I am willing to search the journey and retrace the steps.
I will start with Turkey because that is where I began to feel afraid.
